My vegetarian failure

Recently I decided to try eating vegetarian again. While I've been cutting back on meat, I'd still been eating it at least every other day. I decided to see what happened when I cut it out entirely. I tried this back when I was in my early 20s and it didn't go well. I was lethargic, sad, and "fuzzy", problems which instantly disappeared when I started eating meat again.

But this time I was coming into it with more knowledge. I understood the importance of B12, iron, and protein, and made sure I was eating a balanced diet including fruits, veggies, eggs, beans, dairy, and whole grains. Last time I got a physical my numbers were all in the good/excellent range, so I wasn't worried about coming in with a deficiency.

The first couple of days were fine. Then last night I got extremely emotional and collapsed into a crying jag. I felt overwhelmed with sadness. I wrote it off and went to bed, only to find I had real difficulty getting to sleep. Today, when I tried to work, I found I couldn't concentrate. I had persistent brain fog that interfered with my ability to get things done. Since I knew I'd had these problems when I stopped eating meat before, I decided to pick up some lean beef for lunch and see how I felt afterward. Even as I went to the store, I was berating myself. I was lazy and undisciplined. I was a bad person for not being able to do this.

Very shortly after a meaty lunch, these depressed feeling lifted entirely. I'm still tired from sleeping poorly last night, but I'm no longer wanting to cry or having negative thoughts, and the brain fog has lifted.

This is frustrating, since philosophically I agree with a vegetarian diet. But when I try to implement it, the physical side effects keep me from maintaining it. If I had the time and resources to work closely with a doctor and dietician, I'm confident we could craft a meat-free diet that met my individual nutrition needs. But I don't have the free time or money to put that level of attention on my diet right now, when a simple, occasional addition of meat, meets all my needs.

I came out of this experiment with a couple of takeaways: 1) I am incredibly grateful to have access to a diet that meets all of my nutritional needs while keeping me balanced. I have a greater appreciation for, and consciousness of, what I eat. 2) I have renewed respect for my vegetarian and vegan friends who are able to make that diet work for them. I'm sure some of you have run into sticking points. But, whatever your reasons, eschewing meat and animal products was important enough to you to power through them.

Tip Tuesday: Go to Camp!

I've written before about Camp Nanowrimo, the spring and summertime "lite" version of Nanowrimo. Rather than rehash, this week's tip is: go check it out! Camp starts tomorrow, meaning there's still time to hook up with a camp of motivational writing buddies. Once again, I'm writing as richuncleskeleton if you care to stalk me there.

I'll be bulking out the latest draft of the novel I started during April's camp. See you there! Happy writing!

Tip Tuesday: Breaking Apart Familiar Phrases

One of the joys of writing fiction is the chance to play with language. While much writing advice centers on storytelling, characterization, and so forth, what about the choices you make with the individual words you use?

For example, there are some phrases in English that are so well-worn that we tend not to think of the words that form them on their own. For example, "unrequited love". "Unrequited" simply means "not reciprocated". So why do writers tend to use it only in this instance? For that matter, why not have someone requite an action once in a while?

Another one that stands out to me is "vim and vigor". I hear vigor on its own all the time, but never vim. I'd cut this phrase down anyway, since vim and vigor have essentially the same meaning, so using both is redundant. Why not just use "vim" on its own?

Next time you're going over a piece of writing, search out these overused phrases. How can you break them apart to form a new and unique construction? Give it a try. It'll warm the cockles of your heart.

Which phrases always stick out to you when you're reading?

What is an "adult"?

I'm currently having a conversation with some friends in my spiritual community about what it means to be an adult. Here's the context. I was in a group that the church structures for people up to age 35. I connect strongly with my friends in that group, and the life issues they're going through. Problem is, I just turned 36.

There is an idea behind this age division. The under-35 group is designed for individuals who are still coming into their adulthood. By 35, it's assumed you've hit certain life markers: you're in a stable, traditional career with a 401K, and you have a single committed spouse/life partner with whom you're raising the children you're assumed to have. Once you've gotten that all figured out, congratulations! You get to leave the "practice adulthood" group, and join the real grown-ups. (Okay, none if that is explicitly stated anywhere, and it's a snarky overstatement. But in discussing this division with people, these seem to be the underlying assumptions people are working with.)

But here's the issue. I consider myself a "full-on adult", and have for the past several years. Meaning, I've gotten a pretty good handle on the big life questions (who am I? How do I go about this whole life thing?). But I've continued to associate with the 35-and-under group. Part of the reason is because I wasn't seeing a big age gap between myself and other people attending. If the age had been shifting down toward 19- and 20-year-olds, yes, I'd feel awkward being part of the group, and wouldn't continue. But I kept seeing faces of friends that, while a few years younger than myself, were experiencing similar life issues. I have friends older than myself who are still living the way I am, but almost none are in my congregation. While I see myself as an adult, in communicating with other older adults in the church, I often feel a disconnect.

A big part of that is, the way I'm an adult isn't typical for a lot of older church members. I'm never going to have kids. The way I make a living continues to change, and I may never have a "traditional" career. While I'm married, my relationships continue to have fluidity in them. I probably won't have the same concrete markers I see in older members of the congregation, and that's okay.

The thing is, I notice this about other people around my age range. A lot of us are maintaining a fluidity to our lives that isn't associated with past expectations for adulthood. I'm a grown-up. I'm just not "doing grown-up" the same way as members of the congregation who seem to be considered "more adult".

There are ways to address this. One might be introducing new generation-focused groups. There are many spiritual groups for Baby Boomers, helping them move through their advancing life stages. Perhaps our spiritual community could introduce a group for Gen X/Y/Millennials. Rather than imposing past expectations for adulthood on the current generation that's hitting its early to late thirties, recognize that we are adults. Our adulthood just might look a little different, and that's okay. By forcing sharp cutoffs, there could be an unintended assumption on the part of older church members that we're somehow "doing adulthood wrong".

I love my spiritual community, and will continue to be an active member of it. As other members of the under-35 group "age out", I'm interested to see the new face our church will take on.

Tip Tuesday: Writing Outside

Here in Ohio, spring is finally in full bloom. What better time to get out and enjoy the sunshine? With that in mind, for today's tip, I'd like to return to a post I wrote some time ago for Writers Fun Zone, on the joys and benefits of writing outside.

Take care, have a great Tuesday, and happy writing!

Marcon 2015 schedule

Once again, I'll be a panelist at Marcon, the Columbus sci fi/geek/nerd convention. Here's my schedule:

Friday, 8:30pm: Care and Feeding of a Writer's Group. Myself and other panelists will discuss what it takes to find and maintain a writer's group that motivates you and aligns with your goals.

Saturday, 1:00pm: Ask The Editor. I'm really excited about this one. Marcon has given me 75 minutes, all by myself, to let you ask anything and everything you want to know about editing. How I chose manuscripts from the "slush pile" for a bestselling publisher, how to make an editor more likely to accept your story, how to work with an editor and what to look for when you're self-pubbing. Anything and everything you want to know about the wide world of editing!

Saturday, 5:30: Self-Publishing Your Novel. I'll be speaking mostly from the editor's end of the self-pubbing equation on this one.

If you're in town and headed for Marcon, I hope to see you at a panel, or just wandering the halls!

Constructive Critiquing: Giving a Critique

Last week we talked about how to receive a critique without wanting to crawl under a rock. This week, we're looking at the other side. How do you give a constructive critique?

First off, what do I mean by constructive? To me, a constructive critique is helpful to the writer by pointing out places where the story can be stronger, plus noting what the writer has done well. A good critique honestly evaluates the strengths and opportunities of a story. A sign you've given a great critique is when the writer thanks you afterward, especially if they say the critique makes them feel better about how they can make their story even better.

Providing an honest critique that results in a writer wanting to hug you or buy you a drink afterward (yes, I've had this happen!) is a high bar indeed. But there are a few tips to keep in mind for a healthy critiquer/critiquee relationship.

First off, remember that you're not just pointing out what doesn't work in a story. To provide an honest evaluation, make sure to note what the author has done well. Sure, if you're slogging through the first two pages about the weather and they have no relationship to the story, it's important to let the writer know that you had trouble getting into the narrative at that point. But if the action picked up afterward, be sure to let them know the moment you were engaged, and why. If, after the weather interlude, they created a character who instantly drew your sympathy, tell them!

When you are pointing out areas that need to be strengthened, be sure to communicate that in a kind and helpful way. Stating, "This part sucks," is both unhelpful and unkind. Why didn't that part of the story work for you? Making "I" statements is useful here. "I had trouble following who was speaking in this section," is a statement that's both specific and helpful.

You can gain a lot of useful knowledge that strengthens your own work by evaluating the flow and style of others' stories. But remember that the critique is not a competition. Especially if this is someone you've swapped manuscripts with, keep in mind you're not comparing their story against yours, to determine whose is "better". You've both agreed to provide insights as both a reader and fellow writer. Ideally, both of you will come away feeling like you have a clear path to make your story stronger, and an enthusiasm to take on the needed changes.

Both before you make your first comment, and at the end of the story, as you're reviewing what you've written, take a breath. Keep in mind the vulnerability this other person has shown you by trusting you to help them with their work. Do your comments respect that vulnerability?

When have you been challenged to provide a critique that's both honest and kind? How did you manage it? Did you ever feel like you gave a poor critique?

Happy writing!